Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
