Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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