You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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