i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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