the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
