Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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