Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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