Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
