yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize