She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
