I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize