We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
