If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
