Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
