It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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