VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
