She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
