Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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