I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
