is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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