The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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