You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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