I think scott just propositioned me for sex
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
