new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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