His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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