i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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