college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
