Christians are straight up FREAKS
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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