At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
