how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
