my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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