Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
