In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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