The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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