You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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