There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
