She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
