I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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