Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The uberlube is also flammable
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
