do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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