U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
