we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
