Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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