Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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