My Higher Power is John Stamos
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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