yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
