apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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