Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
