It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
