he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
