He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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