On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
