Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so that wasnt chicken after all
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
