I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
