omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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