i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
