yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize