dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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