oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
