I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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