I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
