i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
