She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
