I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
