I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drunk is not a location!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize