it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i have two assholes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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