U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
