i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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