Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
