I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
