omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
