All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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