Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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