I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got inside last night via doggy door
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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